Attachment is about our need to feel loved, safe and protected in our intimate relationships. This need is there from the very beginning, from before we were born and grew in our mother’s womb and after we were born and were totally dependent infants.
When we consistently receive love and attention from our parents or caregivers when we are very young and when we are steadily protected by them from hunger, cold, fear and pain, a solid foundation of healthy internal wiring is formed in our brain. Our brain, as the organ that controls not only our physical body, but also our thoughts and feelings, is truly what shapes us as a human being.
Healthy wiring in our brain makes healthy social and emotional development possible. It makes it possible for us to trust others. Healthy circuitry is the result of secure attachment which allows us to love ourselves and others easily. Healthy wiring and secure attachment also provide us with a protective buffer that makes it easier for us to flow with the challenges that life presents us with.
Trauma and/or inconsistent loving attention when we were young interrupts our circuitry and can create a deeply felt sense of insecurity. When we feel insecure we have to figure out ways to deal with those feelings and luckily we do learn to cope. But not all ways of coping are healthy.
From the earliest time in our life on, we develop strategies so that we can cope with overwhelming feelings like fear and aloneness. Over the years these strategies can become our unconscious way of being in our relationships with others. Sometimes the coping strategies we have needed earlier in life can stand in the way of building a good relationship with others when we are older.
Attachment philosophy at the Golden Family Center
Attachment Theory lies at the foundation of all counselling and support services at the Golden Family Center. Attachment Theory describes the dynamics of long-term relationships between humans of all ages. In our counselling and support work we educate and support individuals so they can come to understand their own systems and their own coping strategies. The good news is that attachment research has shown that children who do not have safe and secure relationships with their parents or caregivers can still grow up to become adults with healthy relationships. What it takes to achieve this is time, and dedication to learning and change.